


Alptraum

by synfy



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, TW: Conversion Therapy, tw: homphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 18:58:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synfy/pseuds/synfy
Summary: It had been six years since his parents had last sent him off to camp in the summer, but sometimes it felt like he'd never actually left.
Relationships: Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose
Comments: 4
Kudos: 74





	Alptraum

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sqacey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sqacey/gifts).

> Sorry

_ "Mama, please." Hot tears rolled down his cheeks, his eyes stinging. "I'll do anything you want. I'll go to whatever therapist you want me to, I'll join the football team, or the exy team, whatever you want. Please, just take me out of here." _

_ "Nicholas, I cannot pull you out early. You know this. Your father and I will pick you up at the end of the week." Maria Hemmick shifted uncomfortably in her chair.  _

_ "But they don't care about us in here, Mama. Last night my roommate had a fever of a hundred and four and they wouldn't give him medicine or call his parents. His mom told him out this morning." Nicky's hands shook where they were stuffed under his legs. "I'm scared, Mama." _

_ "If they took him out, then it seems like the problem is solved, yes? I will see you on Friday, Nicholas." Maria stood up and pulled her shawl about herself. She started to lean forward, perhaps to give Nicky a kiss on the forehead as she always did, then she seemed to think better of it. Nicky watched her walk away, her back stiff and straight, and he listened to the click of the door behind her.  _

_ He remembered how his roommate's mother had looked that morning, her back also stiff and straight, but shaking with barely contained rage as she bellowed at the staff for not allowing her son to call her. He remembered the look she'd given her son, fierce and loving. He remembered the biting, angry tone of her voice when she answered her son's question.  _

_ "Your father isn't here. He didn't think it was necessary to come." _

_ He remembered the way she'd said "your father". She'd said it like she'd meant to say "coward", or "traitor", or "idiot". He remembered the way his mother had said "your father". She said it like she'd meant to say "my king". _

_ Nicky stood up before one of the nurses could yank him to his feet, and let himself be ushered out of the visitation room.  _

_ ~*~ _

_ It was the first night Nicky was spending in the camp, if you could call it that. The bedrooms were tiny things, and the beds were even smaller. The room Nicky had been put in initially was even smaller than most. Unlike the other rooms, Nicky's room only had two people in it. Nicky lay in the small, military style cot near the far wall, the light from the hallway reflecting off the beige paint into his eyes. The lights in the hallway were all on, and they weren't allowed to close the door. If the door was closed, then the nurses who made their rounds wouldn't be able to tell if anything untoward was going down in the rooms. Across the room, nearer to the door, his roommate coughed. It was a wet, rattling sound. One of the nurses in the hallway told him to shut up. The other boy waited until the nurse had passed. _

_ "I'm lucky, you know. I'll be gone tomorrow. My mom will get me out." The boy paused, like he was waiting for Nicky to say something. Nicky didn't.  _

_ "I would have gotten out this week anyway. I've been really good. I know the tricks by now." _

_ The boy stopped talking, and Nicky thought he was done. He closed his eyes. After a while, the shadow of a passing nurse in the hallway flickered across his eyelids, and the boy started talking again. "Talk to people, but don't say more than a few words. Not where they can see you. Don't sit near the girls, don't stand near the girls, don't get anywhere near the girls. But you have to look at them, ok? You have to stay with the boys, but you gotta look at the girls. Make 'em think you're interested. Or at least might be interested. Keep your head down, do everything you're told. Don't do anything that will get you in trouble. If you make them hate you, they'll tell your parents that they don't think you're ready to leave yet. Don't tell them anything in the therapy sessions. If you can't think of anything else to say, recite Bible verses. These sick fucks love that shit. Throw their bullshit God in their faces." _

_ The boy really was quiet after that, except for his rattling coughs that persisted throughout the night. Nicky didn't have anything to say, so he didn't. He rolled into his side, facing the wall, and closed his eyes. In his head, he sent out a tentative prayer. It was half apology and half incomprehensible plea. He didn't know what he was pleading for. He didn't know what he was apologising for, either.  _

_ ~*~ _

_ Nicky was in the meager courtyard, a basketball in his hands. He held it with the same grip one would use on a severed head. Across the yard, all of fifteen feet away, a couple girls listlessly jumped rope. A few boys stood near Nicky, occasionally attempting to dribble. Two boys were engaged in a two person basketball skirmish, which looked silly and sad to everyone but them. Between the boys and the girls, the faded cross of a foursquare set-up and a rubber ball kept watch. The nurse who was supposed to be watching them was standing by the electronically locked door in the corner, looking at something on his phone. Above his head, the broken clock refused to show how long they'd been out there. _

_ The chain link fence around the courtyard was twelve feet high, and lined with green plastic around the outside so it couldn't be seen through. The only door out was locked with a heavy padlock and chain. Nicky stared at it, then stared up at the oak tree hanging over the fence, then dribbled the ball a little. His first day there, he'd considered climbing the fence. He could make it over, he knew. But he didn't think he could do it before the nurses caught him and pulled him back down, and then they'd just keep him for another week. Or worse, put him in solitary. Besides, even if he made it over, where did he have to go? _

_ He dribbled the ball again.  _

_ Breakfast had been terrible. Canned peaches, a soggy waffle the size of his palm, and absolutely tasteless grits. He wasn't sure how they'd managed to get the grits so tasteless. It was something of a miracle, honestly. Lunch had been even worse. Nothing that came out of that kitchen had any taste, and barely any texture. Nicky hadn't been able to force himself to eat more than two bites. Not that it had mattered. The nurses had watched them at the table, but it wasn't their job to care if people were eating. It was their job to make sure no friendships were growing. Or, God forbid, any other kind of relationships. _

_ Even now, relatively unsupervised in the yard, the two boys playing basketball with each other avoided touching. Every block, every steal was carefully choreographed to avoid any skin-to-skin contact.  _

_ When the nurse finally called them inside for group therapy time, Nicky wasn't sure if he was relieved or not.  _

_ ~*~ _

_ At dinner one night, two of the girls were getting too close. Their heads were a strange press of spiky blonde hair that shot out at odd and uneven angles, and dark brown hair that fell to somewhere under the table. The brown-haired girl was a new arrival, having just gotten in earlier that day. She hadn't been here long enough to pick up on the rules. The blonde one had been here longer than Nicky had, and she must have known better. But for whatever reason, she pretended not to notice the encroaching nurses as she whispered to the girl next to her.  _

_ Everyone jumped when one of the nurses slapped a hand down on the table.  _

_ "Hey. Six inches apart." The nurse barked, her lip curled up. The two girls obediently put space in between them. The space lasted for the rest of dinner. _

_ Nicky nibbled at the bread on his plate and touched nothing else.  _

_ After dinner, they all went into the movie room. One of the nurses picked out a movie. It was a religious movie. They only had five movies here, and they were all religious. Nicky had seen all of the movies they had here, and he didn't remember a single one. He took a seat in-between the arm of a couch and his roommate. His roommate put a cushion in between them. Across the half circle of couches, the two girls were still sitting next to each other. There wasn't a cushion in between them.  _

_ Partway through the movie, the blonde girl shifted and Nicky froze. From where he was sitting, he could see the clasped hands between the two girls. A heartbeat later, one of the nurses was dragging the blonde girl off the couch. She fought back, twisting and trying to kick, but the nurse was too strong. The other girl cried out and fell to the ground, but she didn't get back to her feet and she didn't try to help her friend. No one else moved. The blonde girl was dragged out of the room, down the hallway that they weren't allowed to go in. She was headed to solitary. She'd be back tomorrow. One of the other nurses collected the brown-haired girl from the ground and walked her out of the room, down a different hallway. She was new. She wouldn't go to solitary, not yet. They'd simply explain the rules to her.  _

_ When the movie ended, the brown-haired girl returned. Her cheeks were red and splotchy. She didn't say anything, and she didn't look anyone in the eye.  _

_ That night, after the nurses had passed his room in their rounds, one of the boys in Nicky's room whispered a careful question.  _

_ "Why did she do that? She knew what would happen if she was caught holding hands with someone." _

_ The room was silent for fifteen minutes, until the nurses once again passed by their room.  _

_ "She's been here two weeks." A voice from the corner spoke up, one of the boys that Nicky had never talked to. "If they think she's learned something, they'll send her home this weekend." _

_ No one said anything, but they were all thinking the same thing. Why wouldn't she want to go home? How to get out was all they ever thought of. What on God's earth would make her want to stay? _

_ "She's in therapy with me. The small group. Her father tried to kill her last time she went home. Pulled a gun and threatened her." The voice from the corner spoke again after a long pause. The small group was for those that the nurses deemed difficult cases. Nicky wasn't in it.  _

_ "They won't be sending her home now." Nicky murmured. His voice felt too loud in the quiet room. No one else said anything.  _

_ ~*~ _

_ The blonde girl was sent home the next day. Nicky never saw her again.  _

~*~

Nicky opened his eyes. Red numbers stared him in the face in a dark room. 1:13. It was early in the morning. Across the room, someone was snoring rather loudly. Kevin. Nicky turned, and his eyes caught on a flash of blonde hair. It was Aaron. He was sleeping peacefully. Nicky closed his eyes. He was in Palmetto, in Fox Tower. He was in his bed, in his dorm room, with his cousins and Kevin. He was free to get up and leave whenever he wanted, and he could turn the hall lights off at his leisure. He was twenty-three, not sixteen, and there was legally nothing his parents could force him into doing. 

It was 1:13 in the morning, which meant it was 7:13 in Germany just then. 

Nicky opened his eyes and got out of bed. He unplugged his phone and shoved it into his pajama pocket, then turned to survey the room one last time. In the bed closest to his, Aaron's face was relaxed. He looked so young when he slept, his mouth untwisted out of the usual scowl, and his eyebrows unfurrowed. Next to him, Kevin's mouth hung open and the tall man sprawled across the thin dorm bed like an explosion of bed sheets, muscle, and tanned skin. Against the wall, Andrew was curled into his side, back facing the wall. His face was twisted up tight, and his right arm was shoved under the pillow, undoubtedly clutching a knife. Nicky smiled softly at the three of them, at his little family, and padded out of the room. He shut the door as quietly as he could, and debated turning on the light in their living room. He decided not to. 

Nicky sank into the beanbag in from of the dark TV and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He flipped it open with a twitch of his wrist, and his fingers navigated over the buttons without a single thought. He pressed call. It rang once, twice, three times before picking up.

"Baby? Are you ok?" Erik's voice was rough in the way that it always was in the mornings, and Nicky felt something in his chest settle. 

"Yes, I'm ok. I was just up and thought I'd call. Are you headed to work?" Nicky could feel himself trip a little over the German words, then slip right back into the proper accent. 

"No, still getting ready. I don't have to be in until nine. Mind if I put you on speakerphone?" Erik's tone said he knew that Nicky was lying about being ok, but he wasn't going to push just yet. Nicky loved him for it. 

"Not at all. Tell me about how your work is going?"

There was a rustle as Erik set the phone on the counter and put him on the speaker. Nicky closed his eyes and leaned back in the beanbag, and Erik began to fill the space with empty chatter about his office. Nicky let him talk about the new secretary's ugly cat-fur covered briefcase, and listened to the little noises of Erik's morning routine. He knew the sound of that coffee machine by heart, just like he knew the exact smell of the creamer that he could hear Erik pouring. He knew the chair that scraped across Erik's tile, and the taste of Erik's toothpaste. He knew what the drawstring on the blinds that Erik pulled open felt like against his fingers. He knew what it felt like to sit up in their bed and watch Erik slowly wake up over the course of an hour, of two hours, to watch his face go from fuzzy sleepiness to clear alertness. Something like loneliness, but sweeter and hungrier, curled into a ball around Nicky's heart. 

"I love you." He was aware that his sudden words cut Erik off in the middle of a sentence, but that was ok.

"I love you too. Do you want to tell me why you really called now?" Erik's tone was gently amused, but his response was filled with that steady, patient love that Nicky had come to crave. 

"I… I had those dreams again. About camp." Nicky answered, hesitant.

"I see." Erik replied, accepting. 

There was a long pause. 

"I wish you were here." Erik said. 

"Me too."

"Is there anything I can do?" Erik's voice changed, and Nicky realised he'd been taken off speakerphone. He looked over at the clock. It was 2:25. In Germany, that would be 8:25. 

"You've already done enough." Nicky smiled against the microphone and yawned. "I should probably get back to bed. You need to go to work, don't you?" 

"I do, but I am allowed to be late if you need me."

"Baby, if I had you all to myself every time I needed you, you'd never go anywhere." Nicky allowed just enough innuendo to sleep into his voice to reassure Erik that he was ok. It wasn't a good innuendo, but Nicky was tired, so it was good enough. 

Erik's throaty chuckle echoed down the line and Nicky felt another pang of something in his chest. "All right. Sleep well, baby. I'm going to listen to the news on the way to work, and I'll text you when I get there. I love you."

"Love you too."

The line disconnected, and Nicky breathed out a long sigh. He stood up and slipped back into the bedroom, grabbing his headphones from his desk as he went. As he got back into bed, he thought he saw Andrew's eyes, open and watching him, but when he looked over, Andrew appeared no different from when he'd left. 

Nicky pulled his phone out of his pocket and plugged in his headphone. He went to his internet browser and pulled up the website for the radio station that he and Erik listened to. They had a link to listen to them online, and Nicky clicked on it. He slipped one earbud in, closed his eyes and let the Stuttgart traffic report wash over him. With German in one ear, and the sounds of his family sleeping in the other, Nicky fell back into a dreamless sleep before Erik texted him. 


End file.
